Masochist

the mind is breaking, heart is tearing up,
feeling extremely dellusional..
hysterical, you know why,
you dont know how it feels, you dont
know how distant it feels,
you dont know how much
the longing for someone breaks resolve up

what went wrong?
please, please tell him, he needs to know.
look at him.. he's ruining himself,
not when he just felt again,
not when he just dusted his heart
and placed it once more in himself..

i know, i know he failed to be there
once, just that once,
but at the rate he's going, come on,
he's not your boyfriend..
he cannot say "i caught your hint"
and just stay there with you.. true,
he wants to.. but you have to ask,
you have to make it seem like a friendly
favour, so that he wouldnt be too guilty,
bringing you out, defying his mom's plea
was much too much already..
cause this was not just him, this was not just
you and him.

please understand, cant you feel that he
is in pain.. and it scares me to watch his
distant eyes, his stone cold ignorance
that mirthless grin, he seems to love it,
he acts like he does.. but notice,
just a little sparkle of tear in his eye,
then you'll understand, understand that
he knows his life is drawing close to the end.

it hurts.. but somehow, he loves it,
the masochist, the more he suffers,
the nicer it seems.. but
he can no longer live in solitary..
that means one day, he will lose his
masochism and start hating the pain.
that will be the day, you watch someone
mutate into a living dead, a man
who dies before his body dies.


P.S : sorry, exams are drawing near,
the rest you should understand.