1st post, nothing sweet reli..

yeah.. what can i say?
today was a really beautiful day,
nice weather..

i had planned to blog about people
and their "politeness" today.
but things took a huge twist,
and ironically, this twist wasn't supposed to hit that hard.

this was about 7pm,
when i just finished taking a bath,
i was feeling quite happy
cause of the wonderful day,
when i was on the phone with my mom,
she went "your granny passed away"
i was stupefied, i said "what? which one?"
she said "your dad's mom"
that's the main point,
i was dealt with a blow that civically,
shouldn't be hard to deal with.
i haven't seen this granny in a long time,
and i really mean long.
most i see her is thrice every year.

but when i started thinking about it,
i can't help but to feel a kind of darkness engulf my heart,
this persistant tear, it wants so much to come out.

can i think of it as relieve from her sickness?
the ailments that starts from old age?
but i wanted to do something as a grandson,
now, the only thing i can ever do is,
to attend her funeral.
i never had her and she never had me,
all we knew about each other is that we are kins,
she was a really kind person,
she never fails to smile
and talking to her everytime i visit has always been nice,
she never fails to make people happy.

i cringe at the fact that i can only hold the joss sticks for her,
i didn't wanna do that til i'm much older,
so she can see, that one of her grandsons,
though grown up outside her family,
still cared for her.
i don't know if it matters, but i still wanna care for her.
now, i can only do the things which are so insignificant,
things which we as living people just believe they see.
but do we know for real?
i guess we'll never know lest we're dead too.

now i know, that someone who isn't known to you,
just as long as they are family,
you will still feel the tearing of your flesh when they leave,
be it for the better or for the worse,
you will never know, you'd only know that they have trasnscended,
to the netherworld.

i promise brighter posts in the near future..
but not today.
i apologise..